Today I am so discouraged in all I do. I realize Satan is out to destroy us so I'm sure that is where its coming from. But I feel like I can't win for loosing. Nor can I manage anything in my life. A friend mentioned to us last night about a baby up for adoption that needs placed quickly...and that sounded so appealing to me. I have always wanted to adopt a precious little one who has been rejected. But Satan has torn at me all day long and has pointed to all the reasons why it would be an aweful thing for me to do.
Zahavah has cried all day, she is beyond tired...there is no comforting her. Eli is sick and has sores on his chin and around his mouth from his pacifier and the air being too dry. My teen hates me...like they all do at this age. I can't get to the store to get a roast...so I can have it cooked for supper tonight...so I can give a massage...the one thing that makes me feel I'm doing something good for someone. Sounding like a self-pity party!?! So...ofcourse I would be an idiot to consider adding another baby to the mix when I can't even balance what I have...what God has already blessed me with!
I have given up things I would like to hold on to...I miss going to small group with my husband on Sunday nights...I get fed more there than at church. I rarely get away to go scrapbooking...a stress relief for me (although I am going tomorrow for a few hours THANK GOODNESS...first time since Z has been born). In all fairness Brett kept the kids one Saturday for me to get away. I really enjoyed it, and needed more than I even realized. Getting away twice in two months isn't bad...more than what most get. I really miss small group. We have tons of things going on... this and that and that too. Its kinda exhausting. When all I really want to do is grow joyfully old with my husband, raise my kids in the way they should go and grow in the Lord myself. So please share with me...how all you "got it together" Mommies out there....keep it together! Especially you with 5, 6, plus kids...I only have 3!